Blessed With Dance

While some things are still very much lacking, other areas of my life are starting to look up. I have been offered a position teaching at The Ballroom of Reno. Anyone who knows me knows that dancing is my passion. This is a dream come true. However as the name entitles, it is a ballroom. I have little previous experience in ballroom but they saw enough potential in me the first week I came for classes to offer me a position on their team. I have been in training 6 nights a week since March learning several smooth and rhythm dances. While I am not getting many hours at my day job and have taken time off from school, this is keeping me very busy. I am training in foxtrot, tango, waltz, viennese waltz, cha cha, rhumba, salsa, night club 2 step, west coast swing, east coast swing and have just started taking ballet and argentine tango. We even touched some on quickstep and hustle. Soon I will also be starting on bolero and mambo. All the while I am teaching country line dancing, well line dancing; it's not all country.
I sometimes feel very overwhelmed and don't know if I'm gonna be able to learn enough to be able to teach this but at other times I realize how much I have learned in such a short time and am proud of my accomplishments. I don't want to let them down after they put so much faith in me to bring me in on training with others who have been training for over a year for this.
Another opportunity I have been given through this is being able to participate in Tough Mudder this year. There is a team of us from the ballroom signed up and I can't wait to see if I'm tough enough. We will be training hard for this along with training at the studio all summer. I hope I can handle all this training without breaking. Here's to a great summer filled with adventure and fun.

Feeling Broken

I am so used to being the one to help others. Now I look at my life and realize I have absolutely nothing to give. And sadly everyone else is slowly realizing it too and they are drifting away one by one. The one thing I had that couldn't be taken away was the fact that I could get out there and put smiles on peoples faces and that was what I had to give when I lost everything else. But I am finding that for too many, that is not enough. While they are too busy trying to get something more out of me, they are wearing me thinner and thinner and I no longer even have a smile to offer to anyone. I need someone who is just willing to be a friend and not need anything more from me. Being there for me doesn't mean I'm all of a sudden gonna be ready to jump into a relationship with you. And throwing money at me isn't gonna do it either. What I'm looking for is a friend. I had a good friend who was there for me but I don't even know what happened there. She's moved on too apparently.

Everyone seems to think they know best what I need or who I should date or where my time should be spent. But no one knows me. No one fully comprehends what I am going through right now. No one can possibly know what is best for me without knowing what I'm feeling and experiencing. And everyone only hears and sees what they want to.

What is left for me if I no longer have anything to offer. Not even a smile.