Easier Said Than Done

I know what I gotta do but some things are easier said than done especially when you don't really want to do it. There are some things that I don't want to give up or give up on. But some things I can not do alone. I can only do so much without pushing it too far and making things worse. I know what I want and I work hard to get the things I want and even harder to keep them if I have them but sometimes it just doesn't work out. I can only be happy with myself and the things I have accomplished in trying to achieve whatever it is I'm working toward. Each step builds me into a better person. I just wish that I could have those things that I am willing to work so hard for and that others would see what I'm willing to do to have that which I am after. Sometimes though, you just need to move on, but again, easier said than done in some cases.

My present

I, like many others, have done things in my past that I deeply regret. Things I wish I could take back or pretend they never happened but they did. All I can say is I have grown and changed and I am not that same person anymore. I have learned from mistakes I have made in my past. I am honest about things I have done because I can't change the past and although I may be ashamed of it, I know I am a better person now and that's what matters. I don't want to be judged on my past but seen for who I am today, who I've become. I regret having hurt people in the past and I work hard at making up for that now. I try to help make a positive difference in the lives of the people around me. I make sure my friends know they can trust me, I work to earn their trust and keep it. I just want people to see through my past and see the great person I have become today and everything I have to offer. It hurts to know that things I have done many years ago still haunt me today and that I still pay the price of being young and stupid. There was reasoning behind the things I did at one point. Without knowing the things I've been through and felt, you are not able to judge. Mainly it comes down to being naive in the end but as I said, just because I regret it doesn't mean I can make it go away. Please forgive my past and see the person I am today, standing here in front of you.

Regaining Life

I had it pointed out to me that I have lost a lot of who I am. I've lost many of the things that made me happy. There are so many things that I enjoy doing and have wanted to be doing but I lost the motivation. I got caught up in making others happy that I wasn't spending the time I needed on me. I've been so down on myself thinking there wasn't any point to anything anymore. It was never gonna amount to anything or it was a waste of my time to get out and do certain things. Over the last couple years I have become content and comfortable with sitting in my room reading or playing on the computer. It became routine. But I'm a social butterfly. I enjoy being out and active and making people laugh, meeting new friends. I've realized everything I've been missing out on. So, I am taking back my life. Everything that I had so much fun doing. I have gotten myself a membership to start going back to the gym. I have found dance lessons that I am looking forward to taking every week along with the zumba classes at the gym. I am going out every chance I get whether I have someone with me or not. I can make friends if I have no one to come with me. I always have. I'm going out to the clubs, shooting pool, doing some bowling. I'm back in school and doing great. I have so much ahead of me and so much to look forward to. Of course I'd love to have someone to share it all with but I've made it this far on my own. Why stop now? It's time to stop worrying about what others think and making others happy and just do what I enjoy. Do what makes me happy. So here's to being myself and hoping that everyone will see the real me and take me as I am. Here's to having fun and enjoying life again.